I need help removing her.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
