I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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