This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Come see our sink grown plant.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
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