Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
