If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Just puked most of my soul out..
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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