Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
