I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
