he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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