HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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