Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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