new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Randomize
