i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
