I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I think I died a long time ago.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
