My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
