He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Randomize
