One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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