It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
