Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
