i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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