Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
