I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
