So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
