I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
