Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
