It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
