nut hugger
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
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