I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
