You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
