Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
