i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
