just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
