Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
