I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
