what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
