..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
