I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
that may or may not have been my penis.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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