Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
