I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
