i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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