and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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