smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
