Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
