He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
