you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
