Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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