we made out on top of his cat.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
