I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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