look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
