I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
