honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
